A Journal of the Plague Year 3.0 Day 12

28th December 2020

Did fuckall all day. Stayed in bed, watching Youtube. Hangover blues, post Christmas. The world can burn.




…Here are some more acceptable displays of people having fantastic lives.

“After dinner we like to have a quick round of polo.”

“Then look at our investment portfolio together. Or maybe some poor people”

“In Sweden we sit at tables and chairs to eat, and use cutlery.”

“Live. Laugh. Love.”

“Sometimes for a laugh we like to turn up at premiere events and pretend we’re celebrities”

“As do we”

“Our interests include travelling…

My favourite quote is to add life to your days not days to your life

“Dance like no one’s watching. Especially a photographer.”

“I start every day as if it’s my last. Which is why I blow up 37 balloons and carry them around. Carpe diem.”

“Every day is a mountain and I live on top of it

“That just got out of bed look”

“I live for the burn”

“You are what you eat”

That’s why I only do WholeFoods. They really are the best. And you’re worth it.

“That’s why I don’t have a tv”

“Heaven is a place on earth”

“We’re really just the same as everybody else”

“No, really”

“I live for the kids”

“We made it”

“We called our home, Dream Achieved”

We called ours Casa Siesta coz it’s in Alicante, then voted for Brexit.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then create a POS, market it with a jazzy celeb and add a 300% markup. Then reinvest. Simples.”

“No pain, no gain”

“All you gotta do is win at life.”

“Know yourself. Learn yourself”

“Fortune favours the brave. And who can afford the shares”

“And the world is your oyster”




Bunch of gurning kite flyers. Pandafucks. Mumlickers.

I’m not jealous, no. Just saying, it’s for situations like this we have cancer in the world.



A Journal of the Plague Year 2.0 Day 21

25th November 2020

I am having a bad hair day/ life, in every way possible.

These people on the other hand are having an absolutely fucking fabulous hair day. They got it specially done, they went on a photo shoot, gave it some blue steel.

I envy them.

The Fires of Mustique

The Mod Helmet

The Texan Oil Gusher

The Sex Badger

The Sexsquatch

The No Seriously If I Got Into A Car Wreck They’d Think They Hit A Yeti

Days of Thunder

Days of Hiding

The NASA Lift Off

The Magic Mushroom

The Laser Bowl

The Pixielated

The When Big Hair Roamed The Earth

The Shy and Enigmatic

The Nothing Is Strange

The Full Vienna Philarmonic

How do they do it?

So perfected in poise, pride and in public, where people are so impressed they sneak pictures. Even social media takes note.

The Caterpillar Attack

The Mysterious Roadkill

The Ladykiller Cloud

The King of Sting

The Shithead

The Sex Comes Knocking

The Make Up Brush

The Chuck Norris Is On The Back Of My Head

The Cup Overfloweth

The Strange Encounter

The Gloryhole

The Stilling Of Deeper Waters

The Checkout

The Death Is The Answer

The Why

The Why Not

The Attack Ships On Fire Off The Shoulder Of Orion

If only, to be so blissfully unaware.

Also it’s cake day bitches

This is me right now, everything about me:

Ok, enough culture for today. Such is the human spirit.



L x